Author Megan Devine of Refuge In Grief says:
Looking for ways to help a grieving friend? Don't be afraid to feel awkward. It's OK if you don't know what to say or do. Here's the thing: There's no magic incantation, no magic code, no special string of words that can make things right for your friend.
You can’t do it right because there is no “right.” I hope that’s a relief. The thing is, it’s not your job to make your friend feel better, or even to take away their pain.
Feeling awkward is okay! In fact, feeling awkward is a great sign – it means you’re moving into new territory. Grieving people would much rather have you stumble through your love and support than confidently assert that things are not as bad as they seem.
The one thing to remember is to not try to fix what is unfixable. Your job as a support person is not to take away the person’s pain – that’s not possible. Your job is to companion them inside their pain. That distinction makes all the difference.
The trick is to lean into your helplessness in the face of your friend’s pain. Your job, honestly, is to feel awkward and stay there anyway. Just hang right out with their pain.
The answer to any kind of awkwardness is SKILL BUILDING. Bearing witness to someone’s pain without jumping in to fix it or make it better is a skill. And skills can be learned. Your friend needs you! Don't let feeling awkward stop you.
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This is part of our guide to the "Care & Feeding of Your Grieving Person." Visit this link to see the entire comic:
https://www.refugeingrief.com/2018/…/09/help-a-friend-comic/