It’s hard to be a grieving person during Halloween season, says bestselling author Megan Devine of Refuge In Grief. Click here to hear what else she has to say about it. Read on for my perspective.
On June 7, 2017, Rader died by suicide, just days before his 16th birthday. He had just finished his second year of high school. In August, after a blur of a summer none of us can really remember, our surviving child left home to begin college, and my husband and I became empty nesters when we should have had two more years to go. And then just another two months after that, we were approaching Halloween — which, compared to Thanksgiving and Christmas, is a "minor" holiday, right?
We had already decided we didn't want to participate in trick-or-treating (so many happy intact families with living kids), so we were going to turn off the porch light and leave the house. We'd have dinner out and see a movie. Seemed like a plan. William and I got into a HUGE fight that night. I don't remember the details but I do remember it came out of misunderstanding and miscommunication. I think each of us thought we knew what the other one was feeling and needed, and we just didn't. Neither of us even knew what we ourselves were feeling and needed. It was a miserable disaster.
Truth was, this minor holiday held major weight in our family history. It had always been a favorite we put a lot of time and love into. Without Rader it could never be the same.
That night is what made me realize I was going to need a lot more support and tools to get through the "holiday season." And so I found a nearby grief seminar, "Hope and Help for the Holidays and Beyond," held a couple of weeks later and featuring the above-mentioned Megan Devine. Hearing her speak, and reading her book I bought that day, It's OK That You're Not OK, set me on a path of learning about my own grief and how to be OK in it.
If you are a grieving person (it doesn't matter how long ago your loss has been), this year's free "Hope and Help" seminar is virtual, so you can attend from wherever you are. It's Tuesday, Nov. 16, via Zoom, with various sessions from 8:30 a.m.-4:15 p.m. EST. The keynote speaker is professor and author Dr. Kenneth Doka. Register here.