When you spend hours and hours over a period of years listening to someone's voice on a podcast, especially if it's a podcast where people tell true stories about their experiences, you begin to feel very familiar with them.
It's called parasocial interaction and the concept is decades old, but it is being talked about much more these days — when you can follow those people on social media and develop an even deeper-feeling connection with them.
Rader and I heard Stephanie Foo frequently on Snap Judgment, a podcast we listened to weekly when we were in the car together. The public schools he attended were magnet schools, not near our house, so I dropped him off and picked him up daily; we had a lot of time. I believe we listened to every episode from when it started airing in 2010.
All this to say that when I sat down to read Foo's What My Bones Know, I didn't anticipate much in the way of surprising information. Was I wrong!
Other than the title of the book (subhead: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma), I had little indication that Foo's childhood had been so complicated. She had probably mentioned a few details here and there, but mostly on Snap Judgment she was helping other people tell their stories, not telling her own.
The book is divided into five parts. In the first, she shares the details of her childhood neglect and abuse, progressing to the point where as a teen she's eventually abandoned by both her parents. The other four parts detail the aftermath, in which after years of therapy she finally learns she's been diagnosed with complex PTSD. Once she has the diagnosis, she begins to search for whatever healing and resolution she might be able to achieve.
We learn about various types of therapy and medication she tries, some of which helps and some doesn't. She talks about the demands of the jobs she has held — sometimes immersing herself in work helped her avoid dealing with past trauma, but sometimes it brought it right into the spotlight. You'll read about her relationships: how she navigated interactions with family, friends, and romantic partners, and what she discovered about herself along the way.
It's asking a lot of this type of memoir to give you a happy ending, but as Foo says in the author's note at the beginning, that indeed is what you get. There's no miraculous cure, but she has managed to make a pretty great life for herself.
Naturally, parts of this book were tough to read. I don’t have experience with the same types of trauma as the author does, but I certainly could relate to her grief around her many losses. The way Foo tells her story moved me right along. I wanted to keep reading to find out what would happen next. I give it five stars!
Here’s a link to the writing my grief page, where you’ll find this review and others, plus poetry and essays.